Scars Part II

So...yeah, I was supposed to continue writing the night after the last...yeah...missed that memo, no worries though...I can continue on where I left off...

Now as stated before that I had engaged into a debate with another person (who did happen to be of the opposite sex) into who had more scars...

"You show me your scars and i'll show you mine, then you'll see how much of a better life you have..."

After I had fired that line towards her, she instantly got off the IM device...I thought to myself "that's what I thought, run from your problems"...I'm telling you, I was in the fighting mood that night.

What I didn't plan on was her returning online and appologizing for leaving in haste and how that was rude of her...

I was picking the fight...
I was being the jerk...
I should of been the one to say "sorry"....

However, I did continue the conversation with the individual, the thoughts of scars and such had long passed and we actually just talked. I spoke of how I knew her from the women's soccer team at the university. She was the goal keeper and WAS GOOD! Eventually as the nights passed on we continued to talk, I got to hear her testimony, how she became a Christian, and folks let me tell you this...she has scars. Instead of being so defensive with the "oh yeah, well in my life...". When I heard her story, I actually felt a part of my heart break. It was so sad, yet inspirational. She explained why she wanted to work with youth so badly. Also, she spoke of her facial piercings (tongue, nose, lip, ears...), which I found entertaining to say the least. We spoke of our homes, our families, she's not from around her, actually she's south of her...way south...like past Columbia (the country) south...she's actually from Brazil. WOW!

I find it funny that you don't really think of anything "special" between you and an another individual until they bring it up. I had been noting her facebook status (you know how you can change it to read "so and so IS [blank]" and fill it in with whatever you want). I noted one of them that caught my eye and I had driven home for the weekend, while online I asked her about it....and that's when I got the shock of my life...

A little backgroud on this girl (don't worry I'm not creating it to where if she reads this I'm going to die). She had been in a relationship 4 years ago, and was absolutely crushed when it ended, since then she had been hesitant to fall in love, to be in a serious relationship, the girl had been seriously hurt. Here was the problem, I was slowly reminding her of the things that she loved about that guy, at the same time though she was really enjoying me for me. There were differences but there were similarities.

What does a guy do in a moment like that? Cut and run? Or step up to bat...

I hit it out of the park...

One thing earlier had really stuck out to me and that was her spiritual strength. Anyone that can put Christ above everyone and everything else, has my vote.

I had to sit back for a moment, reading those words over and over, making sure that this was actually happening...and it was at the moment one of the strangest things happened to me...

Peace...

I felt it, all of sudden everything just clicked into where they were to be and it all made sense. For anyone else, in this setup, you'd shake your head and run away, but in my own personal life, it made perfect sense. I liked her, I actually liked her, her personality and heart for Christ had drawn me to her.

I held my breath and told her that, and wouldn't you know it, the feeling was mutual.

That was nearly three weeks ago.

I must admit, love has touched me. We were talking one night and we both had come to the same conclusion, love was not in the cards for either one of us. Don't you love it when you make God laugh?

I was expecting my parents to say,"What are you doing? You're going to fast!" And we've got that a few time already, but my parents reminded me of something. They dated for two weeks and then they were engaged. Not saying that is what is going to happen, but it's moments like that, that remind me that God doesn't always go by "the books". He works differently for each one of us.

I'm here to report that I have a best friend, someone I can trust, someone who came out to me and bluntly stated that she desires me to tell her my problems so that we can work through it together.

Understand that I fought my emotions many times over this. It makes complete sense that I don't want to make the same mistake twice. These things though I do know:

I've never felt so comfortable around one person
I've never felt so open around one person
I thought I knew what it was like to feel loved, I was completely wrong, this...this blows it out of the water
I am hooked to this girl, she's absolutely amazing, she's real, she has problems, issues, moments of sorrow and happiness.

A good friend of mine put it this way to me when we were talking one evening, "God allows us to have what we want, then He gives us what we need".

It is so true.

I am happy to report that I, the writer, am in love.

And the feeling is mutual...

Scars Part I

It's been a while since I last was on here to do some thinking and writing, and more writing then thinking because thinking in turn does not produce a lot of writing.

Did you get that?

I'm home for the summer. My last final was Friday at 10:30 am, I think I flunked it and then some, I might be having to take it over...oops.

I was offered a job as a teacher at the United States Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, Alabama....I declined the offer.

I will be working at the daycare in Gower, give it up for little kids! Little kids for the win!
I will also be hoping to land a morning job elsewhere (Subway anyone?).
I will be taking college classes (6 hours) during the summer.
I will be getting certified to teach in the secondary school system in the state of Missouri (that's high school).
I will be doing some mission work in tornado stricken areas of southwest Missouri.
I will be assisting in leading a week long camp at the end of July in the middle of nowhere.
I will be working on soccer footskills and conditioning for next spring.
I will be turning 21, enough said there.

Those are my "wills" for the summer.

Most nights that I find myself on this blog, spreading my thoughts and observations I tend to note them from other people around me, or the people in my head (that sounds strange now, doesn't it?).

For the sake of tonight, because it is the end of the semester and my brain is nearly fried, I'm going to tell you a story of a boy, and yes...this does involve romance.

It's 1:35 am, I should so be in bed...

Sorry, I'm being sidetracked by my ADD this evening, also known as Starbucks (no that was not a paid advertisement...should of been though).

I recall as a kid how important it was to have scars. If you had a scar, man, you were the coolest, strongest kid around, no doubt. I never had scars, I didn't fall off my bike, I didn't get bit by dogs, I never had a reason to have a scar. I felt so isolated, so alone, everyone made fun of me because I had no scars and that obviously meant that I was...*gulp...a wuss. Everyday I would walk into school and two boys would be sitting there in their desks and one would exclaim, "Hey dude (remember we were fresh out of the 1980's), show me your scars and I'll show you mine" and they'd compare and tell their heroic stories of saving this person and that person, but staying away from the cooties. I never had stories, I tried to make some up, about how I lost my arm and I have a metal arm now (Terminator movies, anyone? Remember, 1990's...), and they kids would laugh at me because I was a pathetic liar...
Elementary school was rough...later in life was worse...
In high school the scars changed from physical scars to emotional scars, more so, or at least openly so with the girls. Each day it would seem as if a new drama would be unfolding...and it was heartbreaking to hear. He "loved her", she believed him, the next day a giant scar the length of her heart was showing through her eyes. It never stopped in high school, that was the game they played...I praise God that I had no scars from high school.
The college scars were the ones you were told to avoid, those were the ones that would last with you forever. I had been warned for years, but dang it! I wanted a scar! I got one, I got one right across the heart, pierced through and everything. I honestly thought I was going to bleed to death...however, I lived for another day....
That day finally came I must say...the scars had made me a "warrior", a fighter, one who avoided those things deemed "kind". I was looking for fight, and I had found one...the individual was speaking about "losing all the time", in my mind she had no idea what "losing" was all about..."My scars will show her", were my thoughts.
I engaged the individual, putting her on the spot. A verbal argument broke out, back and forth, and by the end it all came down to a simple dialog:
"You show me your scars and I'll show you mine, then you'll see how much of a better life you have..."
If only I had thought before I spoke...

This will be picked up tomorrow evening...for the sake of the fact that it's 2:00 AM IN THE MORNING!